Bedside Letters
by KaosMoon
Summary: One day Sebastian leaves a journal with an entry addressed to his master on Ciel's bedside table. What happens when Ciel writes back.
1. Letter 1: From Sebastian

Ciel my master I doubt you could comprehend how the sweet smell of your soul tempts me. In all my  
>existence I have never faced such bittersweet temptation.<p>

One day your soul will be mine. Yet lately there has been another yearning another temptation  
>pulling at my very essence almost equal to my desire for your soul. Something within me craves your<br>body…and your heart.

I do not understand it as of yet but I have concluded that it is somehow tied to the quickening of my  
>heart beat. How fast it marches when you enter the room or when I can tell you are happy. How I<br>long for you to be happy enough that your rare smile will grace such perfect lips.

Hmm, I shall have to improve my deserts for it seems you gain some semblance of happiness when  
>you eat sweets. That is the time when your true smile may be seen.<p>

Ah, now I see. The reason my heart beats so fast. Would you believe me if I told you I would easily  
>forgo taking your soul if you would but spare me some crumbs of affection? Well, you must for I do<br>not lie. But I might have not interpreted you correctly. Could it be that your desire to see me fail is  
>your way of showing affection, showing that you believe in me above all others?<p>

Yes that seems correct. It is difficult for a person of your stature or background to just easily come  
>out and say the words so you must find other ways to show it.<p>

But no matter. Chain me to the wall if you will master. Beat me senseless if you will. But allow me the  
>chance to taste your skin but once, to bring you to the heights of ecstasy rivaling heaven itself.<p> 


	2. Letter 2: To My Impertinent Butler

Sebastian you have gone too far. And when have I granted you permission to use my name  
>you impertinent fool? You might be a knight but never forget that a knight is still a pawn in the hands of the king.<p>

I now understand why you love those infernal felines. You are very much like them. Free willed and obeying only when it suits you.

Your heart quickens? Do demons even have hearts? No you are merely trying to evoke some  
>sort of response from me of which I have already given you too much satisfaction.<p>

My body is my own and it always shall be never to be given up. As for my heart…It is in too many pieces.  
>Even you could not collect them and make them whole once more. The last bit of my heart, the last bit that exists is for Lizzy alone.<p>

Only Lizzy stirs affection within me no other can claim to do so.  
>The sole reason I test you is for my own enjoyment and to see just how far you can go before you break.<p>

And no take backs allowed on the promise of good cakes. And they had best be good.

Ecstasy? Despicable. There is only one I crave, one I desire and that is to know that those  
>who killed my parents know the same misery I have endured.<p>

Enough of your impertinence. You dare make me desire a kiss? Idiot!


	3. Letter 3: To The Wicked Angel

Forgive my impertinence master. I never thought to stir such a response from you.

I wonder. Did you enjoy the goodnight kiss I placed on your forehead? You certainly  
>did not mention it nor complain. I shall take that as my cue to place one upon your<br>brow every night until the day when I can claim your virgin lips.

But it is quite cruel to leave me in the dark about how you felt. Ah well I suppose your  
>next entry will fill me in. I shall wait with delicious anticipation.<p>

Oh and young master do not try to hide the fact that you liked today's cake. I saw  
>that small smile grace those innocent lips. It may have been small but it was there.<br>And how heavenly it was. The angels have been shamed master.

Ah but master you know it is not just to Lady Elizabeth that you show affection.  
>You gave it to your aunt, the prostitute who was killed by the shinigami and you aunt,<br>as well as to the servants. So do not claim you have feelings only when it pertains to Lady Elizabeth.

And while your heart may yet be shattered it can always be remolded. Do not give up hope that one  
>day your heart shall be claimed by yet another person. For it is said the heart holds limitless room.<br>So do not think that I will be unable to obtain a slice. As you well know I do not, cannot fail. What kind of a butler would I be if I failed my master.

Forgive my impertinence once again but I have a thought. I think I know now why my heart flies when  
>I see you. But I cannot write it is not something that just anyone should know. But I hope that one day you will allow me to say it particularly while I kiss you senseless.<p>

It is odd my lord. Normally I have limitless control of myself. Namely the fact that I can forbid  
>myself from eating souls until I take my masters'. But lately it feels as if I am losing control.<br>Not of my abstinence on souls. But there is a magnetic pull forcing me to get closer to you.

I beg of you Ciel please end this. If you do not come to me soon my last thread of control shall slip and who knows what I shall do.

I shall end by asking this, Please allow me to bring you to the height of ecstasy.


	4. Letter 4: To The Idiot

Perhaps you didn't intend to create a response from me but you knew you'd get one.

I shall not answer that stupid question about the kiss. Tch, you're a butler you're  
>supposed to already know. And who the hell are you to say anything about claiming<br>my mouth? I already told you my body is my own. And besides you're male! Does that satisfy the response you were anticipating?

Hide the fact that I liked that cake? Are you joking? Or have you gone blind?  
>I was scowling. It was utterly disgusting. I specifically ordered you to make<br>good cakes now do it. And what would you know of angels demon?

And I do not show affection to other people. I am heartless dammit.  
>There is nothing left to be claimed. And for someone who can't fail you sure do come close.<p>

Stop this talk of what you wish to do. This will never be spoken of aloud. And keep whatever errant thought you had in that mind of yours.

We really need a dungeon at the manor that way I could throw you in it.

So be a good servant/pawn and obey. Or I will chain you to a wall and beat you.

Damn you to hell Sebastian I've told you the only ecstasy I want. Why do you persist in making such comments? I don't think my body can stand any more heat.


	5. Journal Entry 1

I shall have to thank Sebastian for getting this journal otherwise the events of last night would never have  
>been put down and most likely forgotten. Of course now I'm going to have to hide it from him. Where does<br>one hide something from a butler?

Well I shall have to think of that but first the events. I still shudder as I recall them. Next time Sebastian  
>says hes losing control I'll believe him. Drat the man.<p>

I was in my study reading when the door opened. Of course this is nothing unusual however Sebastian did  
>not speak. This was unusual since he often came in announcing something right away whether it be that there<br>was a letter, a guest, or a meal.

But this time there was silence except for his footsteps. He stopped next to me and I looked up before being frozen.  
>His name stuck on my tongue.<p>

His eyes were red, the pupils like a cat's. In those eyes was something I'd never seen before. It was piercing and made  
>my heart beat fast, the traitor. He simply stood there staring at me, slightly swaying forward and backwards as if he<br>couldn't decide what to do.

I cleared my throat. "Sebastian, what is it?" I asked before he was on his knees, my head between his hands  
>. His face was so close, too close. His breath was warm against my face, heating it further for once I realized<br>just how close he was my skin burned. All of me burned.

There were sparks in my veins already before his lips caught mine. My eyes widened and I knew I had been wrong.  
>I had not been burning if this flame was any judge. I gasped and my Sebastian took advantage of it to flirt with my mouth.<p>

His tongue seemed to map the crevice that was my mouth. And strangely I liked it. I liked it and no, this could not be.  
>Was it anger that surged though me? I do not know. All I knew was that I wanted to be in charge I am after all his master.<p>

So I used my tongue to fight his own and the damned man purred like one of his precious cats. Of course that should have  
>come as no surprise. I did not realize we had moved until I felt something soft beneath me.<p>

The shock came. We were in my bed. Kissing. I came out of the heat induced stupor to try and push him away. But he  
>would not have it. He pinned my hands above me and he pulled back.<p>

He frowned at me but soon was captivated by my jaw and neck. He started by kissing next to my mouth before heading  
>to nip and kiss my jawline where he preceded down to suck, nip and kiss my neck. A strangled moan escaped me.<br>My face now was no doubt heated again. Flushed from this embarrassment.

But then there was a knock on my bedroom door. He sprang away from me as the door opened to reveal Lizzy.

"Ciel it's so wonderful to see you! Why are you in bed this early silly?" She started to head forward before she noticed  
>both Sebastian and I were panting. "Did you two play a fun game without me?"<p>

Whatever stupor or haze he'd been in Sebastian knocked himself out of it. "I apologize Lady Elizabeth. Had I known  
>you wished to play a game I would have asked my lord to wait until your arrival. Shall I make you some tea, my lady?"<p>

"Yes please!" The two walked out, thankfully leaving me alone. Game indeed. Somehow I don't think she'd like to play this game.

The day continued like normal for the rest of the day. Well mostly normal. Sebastian seemed to avoid me if he could and he  
>was quite stiff. Had my kissing been that bad?<p>

Well whatever the reason I shall confront him. After what he did he has no right to avoid me.

I wonder, is it odd to want another of those kisses? I don't quite know what's come over me but whenever he's around  
>the heat, the burning comes back and my lips tingle in the oddest way. Yes he definitely owes me another of those kisses<br>in repayment for avoiding me.

Now I really shall have to find a place to hide this. I can't let him know this, then I'll be at his mercy.


	6. Journal Entry 2

The next morning I found a note on my bedside table addressed to me from Sebastian.  
>I have placed it in between the pages here in my journal.<p>

My lord,

I am terribly sorry for what happened. Please forgive me it will not happen again.  
>Please accept my humblest apologies.<p>

Your Servant,

Sebastian

The dratted man. How dare he try to shrug it off! I demand that he meet me face to face.  
>But no he is still ever trying to avoid me and being forced to talk to me. What does he think I'm going to say?<br>That he's a two bit piece of scum?

Because right now he sure is acting like one. Drat it all. When I finally am almost ready to admit to these feelings he off and runs away.

Dear god I just realized, what will I tell Lizzy? Ugh, it's best not to think about that. Yes first things first getting the damn man's attention.  
>Hmm, speaking of Lizzy I could use one of her tactics right now.<p>

Oh yes, I imagine there's quite the evil smirk on my face but no matter. I wonder how he will react to that. Now for its implementation.  
>This is going to be fun.<p> 


	7. Journal Entry 3: The Plan Part 1

**Warning: **_Cross Dressing, Ciel acting like Lizzy_

A/N: Sorry guys I'm cutting this entry kinda short because I'm not quite sure where to go from here. If you'd like to help please go to my profile and either vote in the poll or message me about any ideas for what you'd like to see occur in this story. Thanks!

And thank you for your reviews I appreciate it.

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><p>Today was the day for the master plan. Sebastian would be back soon from the errand I had him run. God but I can't believe I was desperate enough to do this. But if it works I'll have no regrets. I thought of not writing it down out of embarrassment but then I decided I should so that Sebastian will know just how far I'm willing to go to get him and his love. Of course not that I ever plan on letting him read this. But well what can one do when they have a hell of a butler.<p>

Either way Sebastian was sure to be shocked. The walls were a bright pink, with decorations in pastel colors. The house was as Elizabeth would term cute. A shudder ran down my spine. I truly could not believe I had done this, and it wasn't the worst nor would it be the worst to come.

I had also donned a dress much like the one I had worn to Viscount Druitt's ball but this time it was ice blue and without a hat and my extended hair in corkscrew curls down my back. Meyrin had blushed when I asked her to help put it on, yet not one of the servants tried to dissuade me. In fact once they found out I was pulling this prank on Sebastian they had quite heartedly agreed, even Tanaka.

Ah and here was the crowning moment. Sebastian opened the door and froze in shock. I could only imagine what was going through his mind. Here I was sitting pleasantly drinking tea, sitting in a dress with a house that looked like a dolls. I wondered what he would say.

I pretended I did not see him and complimented Finny on the flower arrangement on the table in a girlish voice. I hoped that I would not regret this.

"My lord?" My butler finally managed to squeak out. Well squeak for him, which wasn't a normal squeak as any person would think it.

"Ah Sebastian! You're back!" I rushed over and ran into him before taking his arms and swinging him around much like Lizzy did when she saw me. "I missed you so much."

His mouth agape slightly he merely stared at me, in wonder or horror it wasn't too clear. "My lord, is Lady Elizabeth here?"

"No silly, I just felt like having a tea party. And now that you're here I can put you in some cute clothes I bought for you."

"Are you feeling all right master?" He asked in a worried tone.

"I'm perfectly fine, Sebastian. Now it's time for you to wear those cute clothes. They're in your room. Go put them on."

Poor Sebastian stood there silent for a moment before he obeyed, wait poor Sebastian? Where had that come from he deserved no pity. It was his own fault that I'm doing this. Tch, if this doesn't get him to stop avoiding me I'm going to kill him.

He reappeared then wearing the outfit, which Lizzy would of course approve of. I had to admit it looked quite good on him. The outfit was almost the same as his butler uniform except that this was blood red with red faux roses. There was no hat, I had thought about it but then I had a daydream about running my hands through his hair. Needless to say I was quite startled by it and now I couldn't look at a hat without imagining that scene.

Stupid butler, making me think this way. Why did he have to look so good in red? It simply wasn't fair to his peace of mind. How had he not noticed the temptation in the very air Sebastian breathed?

I shook my head. And smiled as I had not since I was a child as I began in a singsong voice, "Sebastian you look so cuuuuute!"

I'm not quite sure but I think I saw him shudder or perhaps it was the reverberations of a laugh he wouldn't let out. But now it was time to begin the tea party.


	8. Sebastian's Take On Things

He he. There now I think I'll give this to them as a little present. Hmm? Yes indeed.

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><p>What on Earth was wrong with him? I can't believe this. Ciel was dressed as a girl. He swore he would never do so after Viscount Druitt's ball. Yet here he was smiling in welcome. A warm smile, a smile I had been trying to coax from him. A smile that I thought never to see again after what I had done. Why was he not angry at me?<p>

"My lord?" I asked in wonder. Drat, it came out almost squeakish betraying my apprehension. Too late now.

"Ah Sebastian, you're back!" He ran to me and grabbed my hands swinging me as Lady Elizabeth did to him once spotting him. Really, what had happened while I was away? "I missed you so much!"

My mouth fell open and I was completely helpless from stopping it. Where was my lord? Who was this imposter, this…this…? Lady Elizabeth must be here. Oh God let her be the cause of this. If this was the result of what I had done, let it be undone, let me turn back time to undo it. I missed him, the cold personality that tried to hide his warm blood. That I understood. This…what have I done? Well hopefully it was Lady Elizabeth., the girl whom I hated above all. The threat to the possibility of Ciel being mine. It certainly would be a good excuse to use to kill her but that would not be quite fair, their marriage was arranged but perhaps they were too much like siblings for it to truly work.

"My Lord, is Lady Elizabeth here?"

"No silly, I just felt like having a tea party. And now that you're here I can put you in some cute clothes I bought for you."

Oh sweet hell. Was it…? Did he think…perhaps he thought that I desired him as a girl or…I've made quite the muck of things? Was I really that much of a pedophile? Wait…I don't think I want that answered. Odd, for a demon like me to care so much for something,… besides getting a soul. And of course it had everything to do with how long I'd been in the human world; it was simply rubbing off on me nothing more.

"Are you feeling alright, master?" Please be some drug.

"I'm perfectly fine, Sebastian. Now it's time for you to wear those cute clothes. They're in your room. Go put them on.

Of course going in there I found a lovely outfit. Surprising it was quite nice, both to my tastes and no doubt Lady Elizabeth's. It was much like my own current outfit but in red, such a lovely color, with faux red roses. Normally the roses would have been so…wrong on something for a male but on this they made such perfect sense. Kudos to whoever had created it.

And back out I came dressed to perfection. I could see the way my master looked at me, see the desire running behind those precious eyes. Ah why was I a demon trying to be noble? It simply made no sense but it would be this way. Be this way until I was sure that it was not some pesky hormones or…or something else. I would not let him make a split second decision on something so ultimately important.

Ciel seemed to shake himself out of it, and putting on the brightest smile he had said," Sebastian you look so cuuuuute!"

I could barely hold the shiver back, or maybe I wasn't quite so successful. One part horror and one part amusement. _My, my, I'm surprised my lord nearly mimicked Lady Elizabeth's voice exactly._

"My Lord…" From there I remember nothing but a shadow and Ciel's wide eyes, the expression on them nothing quite short of surprised horror.


	9. Decision

Red that dreadful color. That hated color. I loathed it. That Thing had dared to barge into his home and take Sebastian! But there was nothing he could do. The Thing was a shinigami and only Sebastian could take him on. He had but his mortal servants who would no doubt die at his hands.

I hated it! Not being able to do a thing to merely be forced to sit around and wait. I could only hope that he could free himself. Could only hope he returned to me. I was pissed and anxious and...and sad. I could not continue to do cases without him, the food and drink was horrible, the gardens were destroyed, the china was broken, the kitchen had been blown to smithereens and that man had no right to let himself get captured! He was bound to me! He would serve me. He would...

I...What's this?

There was no way. No my tears had dried that day. That day that he came to me. My demon. I wiped my face but they were so stubborn and kept coming. What would happen to me without him here? What was happening to him?

Would he enjoy that Thing's attention if he was no longer bound to me? Had he simply stopped lik..stopped caring about what happened to me? Would he even like to come back to me? That Thing could give him many things that I could not. He was girly for one, then again I had dressed up for him that day, But it was only once! But would I do it again if it brought him back? And it most certainly was not engaged to someone else. And no doubt it could give him the pleasure that I know nothing about.

I think I'll go to bed and hope this is all a dream. And it had better be a dream.

"Ciel!"

I blinked. "Lizzy?"

She barreled through the door and encompassed me in her arms.

"Ciel! You poor thing! I'm so sorry! You lost the one you really love."

Oh hell no. Please, please don't tell me she knows! This is one of the few things I'll beg for.

"Lizzy what are you talking about?"

She stared at me with sad eyes for a moment then averted her gaze. "I know that you love Sebastian. I think I've known for a while and just didn't want to accept it. I really don't want to give you up because I love you a lot too but...but...the two of you. The two of you were meant to be together."

"Your wrong."

"Ciel?"

"Your wrong we do...I don't love him. I've never loved a man like that and I can't believe you came up with such an absurd thought."

"Ciel." she whispered. "You can pretend all you like but I know the truth even if you don't want to see it. The two of you love each other. That's why you're hurting now. You want him back.

"The only thing I can't understand is why did he leave and why you let him. You two got along so perfectly and it was obvious he was devoted to you. Did something bad happen to him?"

Lizzy it appears is far smarter and or far more observant that I previously thought. I would have to watch out for her in the future. Wait what am I talking about! I don't give a damn what she says. I...I had a dream. Yes I must have dreamed these cursed feelings and they would go away. Yes...they would go away and life would continue without him.

"Just please leave."

"No I won't let you continue to stay in this box your in. The servant already told me about the smile you gave him the day he was abducted. And that you were trying to tease him."

"My servants told you what?" End of the world begins...now. "Never mind leave."

"No! You're not going to be allowed to go back into the box you've created since he got taken."

"Ah there you are! I was worried that I might have missed your corpse. But I see your quite intact! Why hasn't your butler been around? I miss his jokes." What was the Undertaker doing in my house?

"Has my house suddenly become an exhibit!"

"He's been abducted by someone." Lizzy explained.

"Eh? Him abducted? (Chuckle) That's hard to believe. I wonder he would make a perfect guest. Ah but I should not get ahead of myself."

"Yes Sebastian was handsome. It was probably someone who wanted to have him to themself to do naughty things to him."

Naughty things? I wanted to do naughty things to him. Starting with kissing him senseless...Ah! What am I thinking? No I don't give a damn about him. I don't give a damn about anyone.

"So let them have him."

"Ciel!"

"Well all you have to do is find another butler and bodyguard. They're not all that hard to come by."

"I neither want nor need another butler."

"No you need a new cook, maid and gardener. Unless you plan on coming to me a lot sooner. (Chuckle) In which case carry on with it."

"Ah but that would be so sad. Ciel depends on Sebastian so much. He's the only one he's felt close to since...then. And the servants seem quite fine to me why would Ciel need more?"

"Everything's fine."

"Begging my pardon sir but everything ain't fine." Bard came through the door

"Bard.."

"I know it's not my place to say anything sir and I don't know half of it I think and I really shouldn't interrupt when you have guests 'specially when your with Miss Elizabeth. But it's plain as day you ain't yourself. With Sebastian gone its like you're a walking corpse. So if you please can you get better or drag his ass from wherever its landed? I really don't want to be responsible for your death if you die on something I made and Finny's giving me a headache with all his blubbering and crying.

"Anyway sorry to have interrupted sir. I just thought I should say something."

The door closed softly. A walking corpse huh? It's true that I don't feel that same as I used to but surely that was because the servants couldn't do anything properly. It was wasn't it? But I was obviously worrying them. How could my life continue like this? Maybe I should think of adding to the staff but where would I find people who wouldn't breathe a word to anyone?

"Well now a walking corpse? I should like to see that. But eh you don't look right doing it. Shouldn't your arms be straight out in front of you with you moaning."

"Undertaker." I growled.

"Sorry now I just couldn't help it."

"Surely there's some way to find him. It's obvious that you care for him you can't deny that. The servants told me you teased him and smiled for him. You haven't done those things in a long time."

"He's just a knight."

"A knight? Ciel this isn't a game of chess. You can't just classify everything without emotion. Why won't you accept that you like him? After all this time could what you have done been cruel trick?"

"He is only around to help me catch the people who murdered my parents. Nothing more."

"Revenge always leads to an early death for the hero of the story. Is that all that really matters? You can get revenge without him."

"Revenge! Ciel even if someone did kill your parents its not alright to go out and try to get killed over it. They would be so sad that you are walking such a lonely road. Please get your Sebastian back and live a happy life. That's all anyone wants for you."

"But..."

"I can see my words aren't reaching your heart. You really have gone into a box to defend yourself. It's a shame you can't see your own pain at his loss." She walked to the door before turning her head to face me. Looking me directly in the eyes with a seriousness I'd never seen on her before. "And Ciel...you don't have to worry about our engagement. I got Mama to call off on it. This way when you get your Sebastian back you won't have to worry about anyone interrupting your love love time."

What the...? Who says love love time with a serious face like that? And anyway I don't care about him. I don't l-love him.

"Well I'd hate to disappoint her but you're quite better off with him gone. That means you don't have to give your soul to a demon. Isn't that nice."

"Dammit! That made me realize there's no way I can continue the investigations without him." _Was it really just for this that I wanted him back?_ A soft voice asked in the back of my mind. _Or did I want him for another reason? Was I so sure I gave up on loving him? Or did I merely not want people to realize just how deep the pain of losing him really went?_

I had to stop listening to those. I might end up insane and join Undertaker.

"Even so why would you want him back? Does revenge fuel you that much."

I'd grown tired of him. This conversation was wearisome.

"Or do you just want an obedient slave who acquiesces to your every whim and who will never say a word against your behavior?"

Slave? It was a contract to which we both willingly agreed. This bastard. My fingers were white at the knuckles I was gripping the wood of my desk so hard. The reason I wanted him back the real reason. I don't know why but the words flew out of my mouth.

"Because I love him."

The Undertaker blinked I think. It was hard to tell under his bangs.

"Now why didn't you say so sooner? He he."

"Sooner?"

"We could have already been there."

"Been there...wait! Why would you help me get Sebastian back?"

"Eh...like I said I miss his jokes. And anyway William keeps stopping by to complain about how his Grell-chan was mooning over someone else. It got boring after the first ten minutes."

"Did you just say that William is in love with It?"

"He he. There cute when they're at odds. We're off to see the shinigami, the wonderful shinigami of the Library."


End file.
